Bollywood-'isms'

Damn...can't get my head around this quintessential bollywood monologue. "Main tumhare bacche ki maan ban ne waali hoon". It is not 'hamarey' (our), it is 'tumhare' (your) and this word is the the bone of contention. It is a monologue as it renders the guy speechless killing all possibilities of a dialogue. It is sort of an ultimate weapon in a girl's arsenal...there is no come back line. Here is my attempt to stand up for the mankind. I believe both the parties had the fun...then why is the blame shifted on to the guy here completely?

Girl speak : "Main tumaharey bacche ki maan ban ne waali hoon"

Guy speak : "Nahin, Main tumharey bacche ka baap ban ne waala hoon"

Give me break...whose baccha is it anyway? Let the kid have a say in it.

Kid speak : "You guys have all the fun and now I am not able to decide whether aap mere maan/baap ban ne waale ho ki nahin"?

:-)

Phone Bill, IQ & the 'S' Word

First up, it's not about Sex. Definitely not.

Intelligence, mobile phone bill & sperm quality - they all are interrelated.

I read this "Intelligent men have best sperms". Taking it a step further, the researcher says "All things held equal, good sperm and good brains go together". In line with this, I have put forward a new theory, which is applicable only to my age group (+/- 5 years), it is a little offensive so please please ignore it: "Lower the IQ higher the phone bill". Higher mobile phone bill affects your brain as well as your sperm quality. Last I checked around 3 years ago, I had an IQ of 126. Not sure which direction it has gone now as I started using a mobile phone about 2 years ago but I have managed to keep the bill low.

In between I compartmentalized and I took time out to lust about Nandita Das and Sarah Palin. What an achievement....Guys and girls please give me feedback on my taste.

Question of the decade for all the movie buffs: What is Sholay's saddest scene? Did you say "Basanti in paagal kutthon ke samne math nachna" : NO.
Or Thankur's entire family getting killed : NO.
The answer : "Thakur ki shaadi nahin hui thi aur gabbar ne uske dono haath bhi kaat diye". Wicked, isn't it?

And how can I forget Kareena Kapoor after her success with Jab we met. Good movie! What really surprises me is, I know at least 5 girls who believe the character played by Kareena is within them but not 1 guy who relates to Shahid Kapoor....no one even wants to be him. Hats off to the script writer.

This is for all the girls. A wise man said "when you are dating, don't get swayed by what a guy says to you, just look for the things he does, and that will tell you volumes about whether the guy truly loves you or not".

Last but not the least, 'thank you' Anonymous for egging me on. I have not stopped writing nor was it a case of 'writer's block'. It was just a question of publishing the stuff that I had written. May be you can call it "publishing block".

Sundry Happenings

The importance of being Vinayakan...is there one? I have not got so much importance in my life like I got on this birthday. At around noon, I even remarked to the girl whom I was on a blind date with once. I was like "it's unbelievable, how many have cared to remember that today is my b'day". She was nonchalant yet didn't spare the chance to enlarge my ego and replied "Vinayakan, you are popular"..Ha!

Online messages (Face book, Orkut & e-mails) : 27. Oh man! Technology is improving our recall ability.
Offline messages : 15+
In person : Could not keep count, pretty much all of my colleagues. What a loser, why should I go to work on my B'day? The good wishes and lots of if compensates.
In person (out on a date) : 1.

E-card : 1.
Total = 50+.

80% of them were from the fairer sex. I repeat I have never got so much importance. From my end...I have tried my best to send a personalised acknowledgement message to everyone.

Then I take my mom to Vasant Kunj to visit our family doctor. Two kids on the bicycle could not hold back their curiosity and they ask "Are you a cricketer?", How long is the pitch? Have you met Sachin? What is your name and more...

Yes, I loved all the attention I got. All of you made me feel special and I really mean it.

The difficulty of literature is not to write, but to write what you mean - R.L. Stevenson

~Mind Smoke~

Yes, I mind if you smoke. I am a selfish guy, I love my well being and I am not particularly fond of passive smoking. I am not going to tell you to stop smoking, because a smoker's mind is so clouded by nicotine that has gone into the system that it impairs the mind from heeding sane advise. Added to that, I am yet to come across a smoker who is sensitive to the non-smokers around.

When I have to just move away from my desk to take my eyes off the screen, I look for someone to give me company. And when I look around, I see smokers. Then it is trade-off time. Eyes or lungs? If it is a bad day for my eyes, I stay put at the desk otherwise a small portion of my lung(s) is sacrificed to rest my eyes.

Every smoker picks up the butt by seeing someone else in action. These days, I see plenty pick up cigarettes once they start working....I feel sad and somewhat disappointed because usually a person is past 20 years of age when going to the workplace for the first time. And at that age, you are easily past 'young impressionable age' category. Is it peer pressure? Probably. Peer pressure can make people do some really shocking things..why..even I picked up blogging to tell one of my journalist friend that "you don't really need to go to the journalism school to take up writing". She writes far better than I do and the fact that my blogging has evolved into an idle Sunday afternoon hobby are separate discussion points.

Post is under construction. This cartoon was on 'The Economic Times' sometime ago.

A for Ass, A for Analyst!

I am going to explain a scene in a blue chip company.

CEO of a company has just lead his company to year over year double digit growth in an extremely tough economic situation. Board of Directors tell him to recognize all the key employees at a gala event where all the important members from investor community will be present. At the venue, big boys from marketing, supply chain, sales, service delivery are there and there is basically a procession of suited and booted smart business people.

Suddenly to the CEO's surprise, a bunch of badly dressed, unruly bunch makes an entry. Sensing trouble, he goes to the company's major shareholder and says "I have no idea where this bunch has turned up from, I will ensure they are out before anyone notices". To which the shareholder remarks, "I know who they are and I have intentionally left them that way. They are the analysts and you have no idea the amount of damage they can do on the balance sheet. So let them be, they like being the uninvited guest and gate-crashing is their hobby. Keep in mind that serves our interest as it will keep our slate out of trouble!"

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My take:

Analyst - they have this really odd form of intelligence - typically make very boring company and they really can't pass of as party animals. I used to be charmer but not anymore, it seems I have lost my edge and that is particularly pronounced over the last couple of years..since I turned an analyst. 'Turned' sounds like the key word here.

Last time I was out on a date with a girl (very pretty), she was talking about sale at Sisley and I was thinking about what is Boeing going to do, now that it has run into delays with delivering its 787 dreamliners on time to airline companies that had banked their future expansion plans on it!

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Updated on April 27, 2008.

After fielding plenty of brickbats from the analyst community, I have decided to add this update. I mean no harm, I have no affiliations and I don't intend to please anyone directly or indirectly through my blog. I am an ordinary 'information hound' and I like commenting from the sidelines by being completely neutral. Do whatever, the title of this blog ain't changing. And yes, I want to shout it out to the world - "I love my job". That said, I feel compelled to come out with something which will resonate with my clan. So here it goes..

"Behind every successful balance sheet (not necessarily a popular balance sheet), there is an extremely capable analyst"

- Vinayakan Aiyer

Plunder, Down Under!

See below..under normal circumstances I will not give these faces any space on my blog. But when they are wearing a defeated look, it just gives me such a compelling reason.

An epidemic that was spreading fast in Oz cricket team. Worst case of foot-in-mouth disease. Indian team has cured the epidemic and how! Foundation stone of this cure (read victory) was laid by Anil Kumble in Sydney after the second test. He chose his words carefully, was dignified and still conveyed what he wanted to.

Everyone who has played cricket in India has played gully cricket at some point in time. I can tell all the people this much...when we guys played cricket, we exhibited the highest possible spirit, much higher than what the best international team put on display at Sydney. For example, we would never claim a catch that was not clean enough.

To my mind what happened in Sydney was not cricket, it was organised crime in its purest form. If there is something called 'sports terrorism' then the 2nd test at SCG was a perfect testimony to that. As for Symonds, I feel for the monkey! It took me sometime to come out with this...simply because I was thinking all this while, did Harbajhan call Symonds a 'Monkey' or called Monkey a 'Symonds'. I am still thinking, please help :-)

Lets recall some soundbites given out by Aussies in the recent series (before & during the series)

Oz media - Indians will be walloped 4-0 in the test series; CB series would be a cakewalk...

Michael Clarke - It is always important to beat India.

Hayden - Invitation to boxing bouts, obnoxious little weed, number of matches Indians are losing and the like.

Collectively Oz team has used words like integrity, commitment, gamesmanship, mateship so frequently and so loosely that by now these words do not have a meaning.

Take a look at the victims we have claimed

Shaun Tait : He was going to give us chin music, wasn't he? And the Perth test was going to be wrapped up within 3 days....Where is he now? Last I heard, he has taken some sort of temporary retirement from cricket!

Adam Gilchrist : He decides to 'walk' from international cricket after flooring a sitter from VVS Laxman's blade.

Brad Hogg : Poor thing, got his timing wrong. Couldn't even make it to the playing eleven on his final one-dayer.

Ricky Ponting : He is reduced to a pale shadow of his former self. I still regard him very highly as far as his skill with the bat is concerned. After this series, it is quite evident that he has a character flaw. The kind of flaw, which will never let you trust him and the kind of person from whom you do not want to buy a second hand car. He played some awful shots all along the series. If his poor run with the bat continues, he is just one series away from losing his captaincy. And if he looses his captaincy, I do not think his big bloated ego will let him play as an ordinary player in the side.

It is an open secret that Aussies always used off-field tactics, mental degeneration and on field abuses to be world beaters. Along came a team which stuck these to them on their rear so bad that it hurt. I can't help but recall this exchange of verbal volleys between Ramnaresh Sarwan (West Indies) & Glenn McGrath (Australia) in a Test match. After Lara's dismissal to McGrath, Sarwan came in and he was taking guard.

McGrath : How does Lara's dick taste?

Sarwan : Ask your wife!

At that point McGrath's yelled a lot of unmentionables to Sarwan. Umpires had to intervene to sort it out.The point is, treat the world the way you want to be treated yourself.

Chanderpaul once said "If 50-60% of debatable decision go the other way in any Test series in Australia, Australia will not be the same invincible team it looks like. And this is exactly what has stopped us from taking the test series 2-1.

While deciding the title of this post...I was spoilt for choice. I thought about "Winds of Change - its blowin' then I switched to "Higher you are the farther you fall" and then "Victor and the Vanquished"

Last but not the least, how can I forget Robert Ogilvie, wondering who this guy is? The Brisbane streaker who ran in and Symonds did the rest. When asked "do you regret, what you did"? His answer just takes the cake and candies "No, you live only once, don't you?"

Choice is Yours

I can't see people in pain even if it is out of their own making. Ha ha... do I sound like Father Teresa?

Often we all run into people who just complain. Complaints about relationships, complaints about jobs/careers/colleagues, complaints about power cuts, potholes, corruption. When face-to-face with these complaints, I am helpless and I really have not succeeded in doing much other than being a patient listener/friend. These complaints, to my mind stems from some sort of dissatisfaction. Will we ever realise, we have the power to change, we have the power to choose and turn things around big and small?

The most common complaint I hear is about an 'inefficient system' because of politicians. A wise man once said "A government is nothing but a mass reflection of the people it represents". I am surprised how such an off-the-cuff remark can can be so true! There are so many people I know who just complain about the government and don't ever go out and cast their vote. I was hardest hit when one of them turns out to be my best friend. His refrain being, "I pay taxes so I have every right to complain, whether I vote or not is irrelevant". I am so sure he is one of the many millions out there who say the same thing. It is like saying "I will have sex and produce kids but their upbringing is not my responsibility". I am definitely not trying to equate sex with paying taxes but I am just making up an extreme example. Friends - this one goes out for you all > imagine, if your parents said this to you when you were born...

Point being, you don't have the moral authority to complain about the 'system' if you don't vote. To set right the 'inefficiency in the system' you have to contribute and the contribution is your vote. When it comes to voting, I have been voting for only one party. Over here, my thoughts do not have any tilt to any political party. I am just requesting all of you to go ahead exercise your most basic choice in a democratic country. And that choice is to vote. It is important because your 'choice' decides whether India is a functional or a dysfunctional democracy.

REALISE ---> It takes two to Tango. Pay your taxes and cast your vote. Voting is important because it determines how effectively your tax money will be spent. At the risk of over simplifying, the tax you pay is your hard earned money. You obviously don't want your hard work to go to waste.

Below are some common lines I hear from my 'educated-yet-will-remain-illiterate' friends and acquaintances. Goes without saying, I am not the one to keep quiet after hearing it.

* "I don't vote because there is no one worth voting" -- [I say] This so reeks of lack of willingness to take responsibility of the situation. Isn't it?

* "My single vote is not going to make any difference" -- [I say] "Little drops of water makes the mighty ocean" anyone?

* Corollary of the above "India will not become USA or a developed country by just me voting" -- [I say] USA is USA and developed countries are developed because at some level they have more people who don't think like you. They have more 'do-ers' than 'talkers'.

Call me names, accuse me of having a loudmouth. I openly challenge anyone who can convince me why voting is a bad idea and why one should not vote.

Sun is Sun, Earth is Earth and India is India, but my dying wish - We must not be a country full of people who keep moaning and do nothing.

"Ask not what your country can do for you

ask what you can do for your country"

-JFK

Rolled Over By

As the holiday season rolls by every year, I am sure most of us are bombarded by Happy Diwali, Merry X'mas & Happy New Year et cetera messages (particularly SMSs). I have been waiting since 31st December morning hoping against hope that someone out of the 150 odd people I have in my phone book will send me a personalised message. Nobody did. I concede, sending one general message is the easy thing to do and typing a personalised message can be extremely tedious for everyone. I can't help but get the feeling that we all are becoming increasingly impersonal and technology just compounds the whole thing. That said, all the messages wish me good health, success & happiness. I am surprised to learn that there are so many well wishers for me out there for me.

My New Year Resolution : Spread happiness, love & never type *one* message and send it to all the people in the phone book.

Just Personalise IT.